| Not only are the Cubs charging in the | | | | honor...!). Well, you get the point. |
| National League Central this season, but | | | | And what if they don't pay their credit |
| so are their fans. The city is selling | | | | card bill? Would the "Wrigley Repo |
| off pieces of Wrigley Field, one piece | | | | Patrol" come and repossess the items? |
| at a time! There is something for just | | | | How about if they lost their house or |
| about every price range, from $5 | | | | car or even had their wages garnished |
| tickets from past games to a rare | | | | because they went overboard by buying a |
| stadium seat that was accidentally | | | | bunch of old bricks? Oh, and here's the |
| colored wrong-priced at $1,500-and | | | | neat part about buying a brick from the |
| everything in between. There is even a | | | | famed ballpark... with each brick is a |
| pretty comprehensive guide of what was | | | | map showing exactly where that brick |
| and, in some cases, still is, for sale. | | | | was! |
| Â | | | | Hey! This could start a whole new |
| But there is a rather bizarre twist to | | | | trend! Cities forced to build new |
| this. THEY TAKE CREDIT CARDS! In these | | | | stadiums or risk losing their team can |
| days, when not only is our country | | | | sell off parts of the doomed previous |
| almost 1 trillion (that's a lot of | | | | stadium to help offset the cost of the |
| zeros, people! And half of that is to | | | | new one! Even if they got just $1,000 |
| communist China) dollars in credit card | | | | (and what piece of stadium wouldn't get |
| debt,with a basic American household | | | | at least that?), that's $1,000 the |
| owing an average of $3,400 (and even | | | | citizens wouldn't have to pay! |
| McDonald's taking credit cards now), | | | | Here in Indianapolis, we are forced to |
| here is an opportunity for us to pump | | | | scrap a 24-year-old, 63,000-seat dome |
| up that average even more. Not that it | | | | stadium that cost over $300,000,000 |
| wouldn't be neat to own a piece of one | | | | and, during these financially tough |
| of the most beloved-if not the most | | | | times, pony up a stunning |
| beloved-baseball parks in America, but | | | | $1,000,000,000 (that's $1 BILLION!) for |
| this is just inviting trouble! In some | | | | a "Lucas Oil Stadium" that isn't built |
| states, people can buy lottery tickets | | | | for decent acoustics and/or for |
| with their credit cards... it just | | | | baseball, should the opportunity come to |
| doesn't seem right. Although the | | | | us! |
| proceeds go to a good cause, I can | | | | Am I way out there in left field, or |
| easily see an avid Cubs fan getting | | | | does all of the entrepreneurial |
| carried away with this! | | | | imperialism hit just a little too close |
| Can you imagine what that fan's spouse | | | | to home... plate? |
| will think when they look at the | | | | Whatever "base" is, you have to give |
| itemized part of their credit card | | | | the Cubs "credit": it's a great way to |
| bill? I foresee a lot of Cubs fans | | | | raise money. The only objection I |
| getting the mail and hiding the bill in | | | | have to it is the whole credit card |
| their billing cycle! How would one | | | | deal. And with the new draconian |
| explain a $1,000 charge on the bill for | | | | bankruptcy bill that is now in full |
| old Wrigley memorabilia? Talk about an | | | | effect, which doesn't even allow a |
| impulse buy! | | | | person to declare on medical bills and |
| I can hear it now: | | | | or student loans, and gives no |
| "Honey, what are these old bleacher | | | | exceptions whatsoever to the tens of |
| chairs doing in our dining room and | | | | thousands of uninsured hurricane |
| living room? And where did all our | | | | victims, it could be just too tempting |
| furniture go?" | | | | for a die-hard Cubs fan to slide right |
| Hey, maybe these buyers can use the | | | | into deep debt and strike out. And all |
| money they got for their furniture to | | | | to a bad, bad "no-no decision" pitcher! |
| pay for the bleacher seats! They can | | | | This is just one of many, many reasons |
| even make up some story about how a | | | | why I don't have a credit card! |
| certain piece of their furniture has | | | | Perhaps the Bush Administration can |
| some historical significance, like... | | | | raise funds to offset the $2 BILLION per |
| "This is the Texas leather EZ-Boy | | | | week we are spending in Iraq by selling |
| recliner in which George W. Bush almost | | | | off the pieces of shattered buildings |
| choked to death when he got wasted and | | | | and lives the undeclared war has |
| atea pretzel!" (Oh, how famous a chair | | | | caused. Oh! Sell pieces of the World |
| and a pretzel those would be! Such a | | | | Trade building to help pay for "Homeland |
| conspiratorial couple that would make! | | | | Security." NO, WAIT! How about an |
| They would surely be executed under the | | | | "adopt a corrupt lobbyist program" to |
| U.S. Patriot Act by burning, their | | | | help pay off the 3 TRILLION DOLLAR |
| ashes put on display at the Smithsonian! | | | | budget deficit (much of it to Communist |
| But not before the ticker tape parade | | | | China...talk about "Homeland |
| praised them as "The objects that saved | | | | Insecurity"!). |
| the planet" and the ceremonial awarding | | | | Â THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS! |
| of the congressional medal of | | | | |