| Not only are the Cubs charging in the | | | | congressional medal of honor...!). Well, you |
| National League Central this season, but so | | | | get the point. |
| are their fans. The city is selling off | | | | |
| pieces of Wrigley Field, one piece at a | | | | And what if they don't pay their credit card |
| time! There is something for just about every | | | | bill? Would the "Wrigley Repo Patrol" come |
| price range, from $5 tickets from past games | | | | and repossess the items? How about if they |
| to a rare stadium seat that was accidentally | | | | lost their house or car or even had their |
| colored wrong-priced at $1,500-and everything | | | | wages garnished because they went overboard |
| in between. There is even a pretty | | | | by buying a bunch of old bricks? Oh, and |
| comprehensive guide of what was and, in some | | | | here's the neat part about buying a brick |
| cases, still is, for sale. | | | | from the famed ballpark... with each brick |
| | | | is a map showing exactly where that brick |
| Â | | | | was! |
| | | | |
| But there is a rather bizarre twist to this. | | | | Hey! This could start a whole new trend! |
| THEY TAKE CREDIT CARDS! In these days, when | | | | Cities forced to build new stadiums or risk |
| not only is our country almost 1 trillion | | | | losing their team can sell off parts of the |
| (that's a lot of zeros, people! And half of | | | | doomed previous stadium to help offset the |
| that is to communist China) dollars in credit | | | | cost of the new one! Even if they got just |
| card debt,with a basic American household | | | | $1,000 (and what piece of stadium wouldn't |
| owing an average of $3,400 (and even | | | | get at least that?), that's $1,000 the |
| McDonald's taking credit cards now), here is | | | | citizens wouldn't have to pay! |
| an opportunity for us to pump up that | | | | |
| average even more. Not that it wouldn't be | | | | Here in Indianapolis, we are forced to scrap |
| neat to own a piece of one of the most | | | | a 24-year-old, 63,000-seat dome stadium that |
| beloved-if not the most beloved-baseball | | | | cost over $300,000,000 and, during these |
| parks in America, but this is just inviting | | | | financially tough times, pony up a stunning |
| trouble! In some states, people can buy | | | | $1,000,000,000 (that's $1 BILLION!) for a |
| lottery tickets with their credit cards... it | | | | "Lucas Oil Stadium" that isn't built for |
| just doesn't seem right. Although the | | | | decent acoustics and/or for baseball, should |
| proceeds go to a good cause, I can easily see | | | | the opportunity come to us! |
| an avid Cubs fan getting carried away with | | | | |
| this! | | | | Am I way out there in left field, or does |
| | | | all of the entrepreneurial imperialism hit |
| Can you imagine what that fan's spouse will | | | | just a little too close to home... plate? |
| think when they look at the itemized part of | | | | |
| their credit card bill? I foresee a lot of | | | | Whatever "base" is, you have to give the |
| Cubs fans getting the mail and hiding the | | | | Cubs "credit": it's a great way to raise |
| bill in their billing cycle! How would one | | | | money. The only objection I have to it |
| explain a $1,000 charge on the bill for old | | | | is the whole credit card deal. And with the |
| Wrigley memorabilia? Talk about an impulse | | | | new draconian bankruptcy bill that is now in |
| buy! | | | | full effect, which doesn't even allow a |
| | | | person to declare on medical bills and/or |
| I can hear it now: | | | | student loans, and gives no exceptions |
| | | | whatsoever to the tens of thousands of |
| "Honey, what are these old bleacher chairs | | | | uninsured hurricane victims, it could be just |
| doing in our dining room and living room? And | | | | too tempting for a die-hard Cubs fan to |
| where did all our furniture go?" | | | | slide right into deep debt and strike out. |
| | | | And all to a bad, bad "no-no decision" |
| Hey, maybe these buyers can use the money | | | | pitcher! |
| they got for their furniture to pay for the | | | | |
| bleacher seats! They can even make up some | | | | This is just one of many, many reasons why I |
| story about how a certain piece of their | | | | don't have a credit card! |
| furniture has some historical significance, | | | | |
| like... | | | | Perhaps the Bush Administration can raise |
| | | | funds to offset the $2 BILLION per week we |
| "This is the Texas leather EZ-Boy recliner | | | | are spending in Iraq by selling off the |
| in which George W. Bush almost choked to | | | | pieces of shattered buildings and lives the |
| death when he got wasted and atea pretzel!" | | | | undeclared war has caused. Oh! Sell |
| (Oh, how famous a chair and a pretzel those | | | | pieces of the World Trade building to help |
| would be! Such a conspiratorial couple that | | | | pay for "Homeland Security." NO, WAIT! How |
| would make! They would surely be executed | | | | about an "adopt a corrupt lobbyist program" |
| under the U.S. Patriot Act by burning, their | | | | to help pay off the 3 TRILLION DOLLAR budget |
| ashes put on display at the Smithsonian! But | | | | deficit (much of it to Communist |
| not before the ticker tape parade praised | | | | China...talk about "Homeland Insecurity"!). |
| them as "The objects that saved the planet" | | | | |
| and the ceremonial awarding of the | | | | Â THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS! |