| Not only are the Cubs charging in the National League | | | | awarding of the congressional medal of honor...!). Well, |
| Central this season, but so are their fans. The city is | | | | you get the point. |
| selling off pieces of Wrigley Field, one piece at a time! | | | | And what if they don't pay their credit card bill? Would |
| There is something for just about every price range, | | | | the "Wrigley Repo Patrol" come and repossess the |
| from $5 tickets from past games to a rare stadium | | | | items? How about if they lost their house or car or |
| seat that was accidentally colored wrong-priced at | | | | even had their wages garnished because they went |
| $1,500-and everything in between. There is even a | | | | overboard by buying a bunch of old bricks? Oh, and |
| pretty comprehensive guide of what was and, in some | | | | here's the neat part about buying a brick from the |
| cases, still is, for sale. | | | | famed ballpark... with each brick is a map showing |
| Â | | | | exactly where that brick was! |
| But there is a rather bizarre twist to this. THEY TAKE | | | | Hey! This could start a whole new trend! Cities forced |
| CREDIT CARDS! In these days, when not only is our | | | | to build new stadiums or risk losing their team can sell |
| country almost 1 trillion (that's a lot of zeros, people! | | | | off parts of the doomed previous stadium to help |
| And half of that is to communist China) dollars in credit | | | | offset the cost of the new one! Even if they got just |
| card debt,with a basic American household owing an | | | | $1,000 (and what piece of stadium wouldn't get at least |
| average of $3,400 (and even McDonald's taking credit | | | | that?), that's $1,000 the citizens wouldn't have to pay! |
| cards now), here is an opportunity for us to pump up | | | | Here in Indianapolis, we are forced to scrap a |
| that average even more. Not that it wouldn't be neat | | | | 24-year-old, 63,000-seat dome stadium that cost over |
| to own a piece of one of the most beloved-if not the | | | | $300,000,000 and, during these financially tough times, |
| most beloved-baseball parks in America, but this is just | | | | pony up a stunning $1,000,000,000 (that's $1 BILLION!) |
| inviting trouble! In some states, people can buy lottery | | | | for a "Lucas Oil Stadium" that isn't built for decent |
| tickets with their credit cards... it just doesn't seem right. | | | | acoustics and/or for baseball, should the opportunity |
| Although the proceeds go to a good cause, I can | | | | come to us! |
| easily see an avid Cubs fan getting carried away with | | | | Am I way out there in left field, or does all of the |
| this! | | | | entrepreneurial imperialism hit just a little too close to |
| Can you imagine what that fan's spouse will think | | | | home... plate? |
| when they look at the itemized part of their credit card | | | | Whatever "base" is, you have to give the Cubs |
| bill? I foresee a lot of Cubs fans getting the mail and | | | | "credit": it's a great way to raise money. The |
| hiding the bill in their billing cycle! How would one explain | | | | only objection I have to it is the whole credit card deal. |
| a $1,000 charge on the bill for old Wrigley memorabilia? | | | | And with the new draconian bankruptcy bill that is now |
| Talk about an impulse buy! | | | | in full effect, which doesn't even allow a person to |
| I can hear it now: | | | | declare on medical bills and/or student loans, and gives |
| "Honey, what are these old bleacher chairs doing in our | | | | no exceptions whatsoever to the tens of thousands |
| dining room and living room? And where did all our | | | | of uninsured hurricane victims, it could be just too |
| furniture go?" | | | | tempting for a die-hard Cubs fan to slide right into deep |
| Hey, maybe these buyers can use the money they | | | | debt and strike out. And all to a bad, bad "no-no |
| got for their furniture to pay for the bleacher seats! | | | | decision" pitcher! |
| They can even make up some story about how a | | | | This is just one of many, many reasons why I don't |
| certain piece of their furniture has some historical | | | | have a credit card! |
| significance, like... | | | | Perhaps the Bush Administration can raise funds to |
| "This is the Texas leather EZ-Boy recliner in which | | | | offset the $2 BILLION per week we are spending in |
| George W. Bush almost choked to death when he got | | | | Iraq by selling off the pieces of shattered buildings and |
| wasted and atea pretzel!" (Oh, how famous a chair | | | | lives the undeclared war has caused. Oh! Sell |
| and a pretzel those would be! Such a conspiratorial | | | | pieces of the World Trade building to help pay for |
| couple that would make! They would surely be | | | | "Homeland Security." NO, WAIT! How about an "adopt |
| executed under the U.S. Patriot Act by burning, their | | | | a corrupt lobbyist program" to help pay off the 3 |
| ashes put on display at the Smithsonian! But not | | | | TRILLION DOLLAR budget deficit (much of it to |
| before the ticker tape parade praised them as "The | | | | Communist China...talk about "Homeland Insecurity"!). |
| objects that saved the planet" and the ceremonial | | | | Â THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS! |