When You are at the Mall, Don't Forget to Pick Up Your Pet Elephant!

I use to tell my kids, "Get yourself an elephant; peopleSavannah is as different "species wise" from the
will look up to you."African Forest Elephant(s) as the lion is from the tiger?
What I meant was that they should reach high goalsUsually the kind of elephant you see in a circus is the
that are difficult for many other people to obtain. I stillIndian Elephant. The Africans never bothered to tame
tell my grandkids in college to take solid state physicstheir critter. They preferred to eat them instead.
type classes rather than basket weaving. That will cutA Slight Diversion
down the competition.This is quite like Geronimo who preferred to eat
I might note that I took plenty of solid state physicshorses rather than ride them. I've always been a fan
classes when I was a graduate student and I sat in onof Geronimo. He is in one of my novels (Bull
a number when I was a college professor. All in all II was stationed at Fort Sill so I know where he was
didn't understand exactly what in the heck was goingincarcerated and where he jumped off the bluff.
on. Maybe nobody does. I never used one thing from aI saw aircraft fly over that very same bluff at low
solid state physics class in all my days in thealtitude. Out jumped hundreds of paratroopers. Each
professional world. But it did get me a Ph.D. and betterone yelled, "Geronimo!"
working conditions. I don't know exactly why this is butWell, maybe they didn't. I couldn't here them anyway.
it is what happens.Some of the equipment landed with a big thud when
Are you kids listening?the chutes didn't open. The troops were on the ground
As far as elephants go, I have always wanted to havein minutes and firing 105 mm howitzers at nothing in
one, and hoped that one of my kids might have one inparticular.
his back yard. Now I've learned that it is illegalBack to the Decline in Elephant Populations
worldwide to have a pet elephant. What a shame.Elephants are decreasing in number because people
Seeare increasing in number and crowding them out. That
If many of us had pet elephants, there would not be ais everywhere but in such places as Zimbabwe where
shortage of elephants. There are only a few placesivory hunters, who are tired of getting shot at by
that I know of that has a surplus of elephants. I learnedrangers, want to hunt elephants in peace.
this at Zimbabwe has so many they want to sell ivoryMy solution to the decreasing elephant population is
legally to cut down the elephant population. Thesimple: Make pet elephants legal.
demand for Ivory is the reason that there are elephantYou would be able get one at PetSmart®.
shortages in much of Asia and Africa.I saw a guy bring a dog out of PetSmart® the
We use to have elephants in America. These areother day. It was as big as a full-grown pig. If it had of
called Mammoths by us and nobody knows what thehad a trunk I would think it was from Crete.
natives that hunted them called them. I think they calledAnother great idea would to take the DNA from one
them Zigdogs which in the ancient American languageof those frozen Hairy Mammoths, stick it in a female
means Run for your life! I just added Zigdogs to myelephant's ova (a single egg is called an ovum), and
computer dictionary. This is not a trivial definition. Theplant them in the uteruses of cows near my home
Aztecs thought the Spanish horses were big dogs.here in Idaho. There would be plenty of milk to feed
The elephant was on the island of Crete until aboutthe newborn Mammoth calves.
3000 to 5000 years ago. It was as big as a pig. II'll bet nobody would mess with those babies.
wouldn't call that much of an elephant. See againOne of my grandkids just pointed out that the Hairy
There is nice shot of some elephants at This articleMammoth was killed by primitive hunters. Well, forget
claims that the population of elephants in the 1970s andthe Mammoth restoration project for now.
1980s dropped from 1,300,000 to 600,000. ThatActually, that was a lie. My grandkids are not here
includes all "three" living African species, the Africantoday. But that is what they would tell me if they were
Bush Elephant, the African Forest Elephant, the "Other"here.
African Forest Elephant, but not the Asian Elephant,Read about current Asian Elephant populations at and
which we called as kids, the Indian Elephant.about African Elephant populations at
Did you know that the African Elephant of theGet yourself an elephant. People will look up to you!